This Page Last Updated 2/28/02

Newest submissions will appear at the top of the list.

**If something can break, it will.**

**Jesse Fortner **

**Gravity Takes No Prisoners........**

**Author unknown, submitted by**

**T****rees are
ALWAYS closer than they appear.**

**Wes Nelson**

**T****o calculate
the location of the exact rear center underneath your workbench,
just drop a small screw.**

**Don McLellan**

**T****he screw
you forgot to check during your preflight will always be:**

A: The first one to come loose.

B: The one that causes the most damage when it comes loose.

C: The one behind the transmitter.

Jim Lore

**W****hen there
appears the best thermal bubble of the day, the receiver or
transmitter batteries are empty or too weak.**

*Peter*

**I****f you want
to hear from your son by phone, just glue a part of your plane
with 12 minute or longer epoxy that you have to hold together by
hand and he will call for sure. Mine always does.**

**E. Campbell, New Brunswick, Canada**

**A****lways carry
a cigarette lighter for cremations of vertical landings.
**

**Colin Michael Smith**

**I****f you can't go
flying tomorrow, the weather will be perfect.**

**Jeff, SMFC NOWRA NSW Australia**

**T****he right way to
cover a certain shape is always found out the day after you just
covered it the wrong way.**

**6/8/97 - Jack McElroy**

* *

**I****f it's not a
taildragger, it will be.**

**5/29/97 - courtesy Don Shugard (author
unknown)**

* *

**T****he chance of
your plane getting hit by a passing truck on the highway next to
your field is inversely proportional to your instructor's
experience as an instructor. May my Avistar 40 rest in peace...**

**5/7/97 - David Raines
Metro Eeast Flying Club - Dallas, TX**

* *

**T****he number of
radio hits is inversely proportional to the flying skill of the
pilot.**

**G****lide distance is
exactly equal to the distance between the spot where the
propellor assumes the horizontal position, and the nearest spot
level enough for a landing ****minus**** 10 feet.**

**L****anding skills
improve as the number of spectators decreases. **

**4/16/97 - Wesley Nelson**

* *

**I**** t always rains
on your day off..**

**N**** o plane is ****ever****
big enough.**

**J**** ust when you've
finally obtained a vehicle that's large enough for you and your
planes, your wife will claim it for use as the family vehicle,
leaving you with the two-door sports car.**

**4/12/97 - Robert Osorio, The Flying
Penguin**

* *

**L**** ike milk, every
airplane has an expiration date... some sooner than others**

**3/21/97 - BPointer**

* *

**T****he probability
of launching a glider is directly proportional to the number of
times that you have seen a high-start being used, multiplied by
the time that it takes for you to set it up, divided by the
number of avid flyers that are watching you . **

**3/13/97 - Joe Sampietro**

* *

**T****he amount of
power remaining in your starter battery is inversely proportional
to the number of beginners watching times the probability of
getting another day of good flying weather this month divided by
the probability of your engine starting easily.**

*2/27/97 - Leander S. Harding III*

* *

**T****here are two
types of Radio Controlled airplanes: Ones that have crashed, and
ones that will.**

**12/21/96 - Glenn Wheeler**

* *

**Martin's Corollary of Discovery:
**

*12/1/96 - Martin*

* *

**T****he chance that
you will totally trash your plane is directly proportional to
your level of anxiety, times the number of planes that you have
built, divided by the probability of flying your first plane at
night and that you had to use a black covering on it.
**

**11/21/96 - Joe Sampietro**

* *

**I****f there is only
one tree in an otherwise deserted area, your model will always
fly into it.
**

*10/13/96 - TOLI*

** **

**T****he number of
electric flight packs that you burn up equals
A: The number of times your charger false-peaks, times
B: The amount of time you ignore the charger, divided by
C: The amount of time you spend working on your buddy's airplane.
**

*10/27/96 - CashRC*

** **

**T****he velocity of
the wind is inversely proportional to the size of your plane.
**

*9/23/96 - Leander Harding*

** **

**A****ll but one
maneuver is optional: the landing. **

*9/20/96 - John M. Sarran*

** **

**W****hen, during
the construction of a model, you need three hands and yours are
busy, the bottle of CA you were using will secretly lay down,
spilling the contents to the floor and you, in your bare feet,
will stand in it, gluing yourself in position. **

*9/20/96 - Gary Johnson*

** **

**T****he farther you
fly into the trees, the smaller your plane becomes. **

*9/12/96 - Bill Tracy*

**F****ull Scale
Axiom: Any landing you can walk away from is a good landing. **

**R****adio Control
Corollary: Any landing you can walk back to is a good landing. **

*- Greg Heumann*

** **

**T****he probability
of an engine quitting is directly proportional to the distance
the plane is from the landing area. **

**T****he size of the
pile of grass clippings is inversely proportional to the chance
of your "touch-n-go" landing run hitting the pile dead
center. **

*- James Copeland*

** **

**T****he chance of
stepping on a fire-ant mound while flying is directly
proportional to how much money you spent on the plane. **

**T****he guy who
can't take off without crashing into the pits will always go up
when you're flying. **

**T****here is always
somebody on your frequency. **

**A**** new glow plug
will last forever if you have spares, but only about a
half-an-hour is you don't. **

**W****hen you get to
the field, the chance that a part in a new plane will work
properly is inversely proportional to how anxious you are to get
the damn thing in the air. **

**W****hen a part
(invariably) doesn't work, it will be the one located in the
hardest to reach location in the fuselage and requiring the
removal of the most screws. **

**O****nly when the
part has been totally removed from the plane will it be realized
that the part removed was the wrong one, and one in a completely
different part of the plane is the culprit. **

**W****hen
reinstalling the part, one screw will always come up missing. **

**W****hen you
finally get the right damn part removed, it'll be one you don't
have a spare for, and the hobby store will be closed that day. **

**W****hen refueling
a plane, the chance of tasting glow fuel can be calculated by
using the formula: fuel tank size, divided by the mean air
pressure plus the ambient air temperature and multiplied by the
number of beers you had for lunch. **

**E****ven if needle
valves were located in the tail of a plane, sooner or later you'd
put your damn finger through the prop while adjusting it. **

**T****he size of
your plane is directly proportional to the size of your ego. **

**T****he size of
your engine is directly proportional to the size of you wallet. **

**T****he size of
your workbench has nothing to do with the size of your plane,
your engine, or your house, but with the size of your spouse's
heart. **

*- Robert Osorio, The Flying Penguin*

**Thanks to everyone who has made a submission! **