This Page Last Updated 2/28/02
Newest submissions will appear at the top of the list.
If something can break, it will.
Gravity Takes No Prisoners........
Author unknown, submitted by
Trees are ALWAYS closer than they appear.
To calculate the location of the exact rear center underneath your workbench, just drop a small screw.
The screw you forgot to check during your preflight will always be:
A: The first one to come loose.
B: The one that causes the most damage when it comes loose.
C: The one behind the transmitter.
When there appears the best thermal bubble of the day, the receiver or transmitter batteries are empty or too weak.
If you want to hear from your son by phone, just glue a part of your plane with 12 minute or longer epoxy that you have to hold together by hand and he will call for sure. Mine always does.
E. Campbell, New Brunswick, Canada
a cigarette lighter for cremations of vertical landings.
Always carry a spade for digging out the engine prior to cremation, or for giving a decent burial if the lighter fails to operate
During the hay making season, carry a mobile phone to contact the emergency services during the cremation of your plane and all surrounding fields, woodland areas and the local farmhouse.
Colin Michael Smith
If you can't go flying tomorrow, the weather will be perfect.
Jeff, SMFC NOWRA NSW Australia
The right way to cover a certain shape is always found out the day after you just covered it the wrong way.
6/8/97 - Jack McElroy
If it's not a taildragger, it will be.
5/29/97 - courtesy Don Shugard (author unknown)
The chance of your plane getting hit by a passing truck on the highway next to your field is inversely proportional to your instructor's experience as an instructor. May my Avistar 40 rest in peace...
5/7/97 - David Raines
Metro Eeast Flying Club - Dallas, TX
The number of radio hits is inversely proportional to the flying skill of the pilot.
Glide distance is exactly equal to the distance between the spot where the propellor assumes the horizontal position, and the nearest spot level enough for a landing minus 10 feet.
Landing skills improve as the number of spectators decreases.
4/16/97 - Wesley Nelson
I t always rains on your day off..
N o plane is ever big enough.
J ust when you've finally obtained a vehicle that's large enough for you and your planes, your wife will claim it for use as the family vehicle, leaving you with the two-door sports car.
4/12/97 - Robert Osorio, The Flying Penguin
L ike milk, every airplane has an expiration date... some sooner than others
3/21/97 - BPointer
The probability of launching a glider is directly proportional to the number of times that you have seen a high-start being used, multiplied by the time that it takes for you to set it up, divided by the number of avid flyers that are watching you .
3/13/97 - Joe Sampietro
The amount of power remaining in your starter battery is inversely proportional to the number of beginners watching times the probability of getting another day of good flying weather this month divided by the probability of your engine starting easily.
2/27/97 - Leander S. Harding III
There are two types of Radio Controlled airplanes: Ones that have crashed, and ones that will.
12/21/96 - Glenn Wheeler
Martin's Corollary of Discovery:
When building a model, You will always find the missing part, just as you have finished duplicating it.
12/1/96 - Martin
The chance that
you will totally trash your plane is directly proportional to
your level of anxiety, times the number of planes that you have
built, divided by the probability of flying your first plane at
night and that you had to use a black covering on it.
11/21/96 - Joe Sampietro
If there is only
one tree in an otherwise deserted area, your model will always
fly into it.
When an expensive model is in the air, there will always be a young child within range playing with his model car, whose radio will be on the same channel that you're using.
Holding a transmitter always causes an overpowering itch all over your body as soon as your plane takes off.
10/13/96 - TOLI
The number of
electric flight packs that you burn up equals
A: The number of times your charger false-peaks, times
B: The amount of time you ignore the charger, divided by
C: The amount of time you spend working on your buddy's airplane.
10/27/96 - CashRC
The velocity of
the wind is inversely proportional to the size of your plane.
The gustiness of the wind is inversely proportional to the wing loading on your plane.
The number of bugs biting you or otherwise interfering with your flight is proportional to the speed of your plane times the number of people watching you. (sort of a generalized Fire Ant Principle)
The probability of it raining on Sunday morning is directly proportional to your chance of getting enough instructors together at the field to take your check out ride to get your wings.
CA is a medical adhesive. As such, it is much more effective at gluing fingers than balsa.
The quality of your landings in inversely proportional to the number of people watching you times by the number of hyperactive little kids running onto the runway.
Canadian Geese prefer mowed runways and pit areas.
9/23/96 - Leander Harding
All but one maneuver is optional: the landing.
9/20/96 - John M. Sarran
When, during the construction of a model, you need three hands and yours are busy, the bottle of CA you were using will secretly lay down, spilling the contents to the floor and you, in your bare feet, will stand in it, gluing yourself in position.
9/20/96 - Gary Johnson
The farther you fly into the trees, the smaller your plane becomes.
9/12/96 - Bill Tracy
Full Scale Axiom: Any landing you can walk away from is a good landing.
Radio Control Corollary: Any landing you can walk back to is a good landing.
- Greg Heumann
The probability of an engine quitting is directly proportional to the distance the plane is from the landing area.
The size of the pile of grass clippings is inversely proportional to the chance of your "touch-n-go" landing run hitting the pile dead center.
- James Copeland
The chance of stepping on a fire-ant mound while flying is directly proportional to how much money you spent on the plane.
The guy who can't take off without crashing into the pits will always go up when you're flying.
There is always somebody on your frequency.
A new glow plug will last forever if you have spares, but only about a half-an-hour is you don't.
When you get to the field, the chance that a part in a new plane will work properly is inversely proportional to how anxious you are to get the damn thing in the air.
When a part (invariably) doesn't work, it will be the one located in the hardest to reach location in the fuselage and requiring the removal of the most screws.
Only when the part has been totally removed from the plane will it be realized that the part removed was the wrong one, and one in a completely different part of the plane is the culprit.
When reinstalling the part, one screw will always come up missing.
When you finally get the right damn part removed, it'll be one you don't have a spare for, and the hobby store will be closed that day.
When refueling a plane, the chance of tasting glow fuel can be calculated by using the formula: fuel tank size, divided by the mean air pressure plus the ambient air temperature and multiplied by the number of beers you had for lunch.
Even if needle valves were located in the tail of a plane, sooner or later you'd put your damn finger through the prop while adjusting it.
The size of your plane is directly proportional to the size of your ego.
The size of your engine is directly proportional to the size of you wallet.
The size of your workbench has nothing to do with the size of your plane, your engine, or your house, but with the size of your spouse's heart.
- Robert Osorio, The Flying Penguin
Thanks to everyone who has made a submission!