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With a case made from the finest quality North Korean recycled plastic nuclear fuel rods, this case is manufactured using a special process that involves slow, low temperature baking in a special, temperature controlled oven to produce the distinct shape of the Flying Penguin Computer. Due to this unique process, no two Flying Penguin Computers look exactly the same and each one is marked with a unique serial number (an industry first!) and registered with Lloyds of London for authenticity.
And the unique features aren't just skin-deep! Hell no! While Yeong Yang Group normally uses the finest quality components in their systems, by special arrangement with Flying Penguin Ltd. (we sent Bruno and the boyz over to rough them up a bit), all Flying Penguin Computers have a completely unique set of components thanks to a rigidly enforced system of utter lack of quality control and the use of extremely cheap Mexican and Indonesian parts. In fact, this uniqueness is taken to such an extreme that the components from any two Flying Penguin Computers are not interchangeable, and replacement drives, chips, and cards must be custom manufactured in our special earthquake-proof facilities in Greece and Turkey.
20X LITE-ON Technology CD-Rom Drive (in our opinion the best CD Drive ever made... unless you want to able to read every CD you ever purchase)
Fujitsu 20.8 Gb drives (Well, they're actually only formatted for 4.6 Gb as we've never been able to reliably format one of these babies for the full size)
Incredible 3D graphics utilizing 3Dfx Voodoo 4 technology! Just check this out:
720Mb of PC-100 SDRAM! Through a special arrangement with PNY Technologies, we've purchased a huge lot of slightly defective memory (the 6th data bit doesn't work on any of them) and we provide a small (600 Mb) TSR app that allows this memory to be used by bypassing the bad sections of the chips, with only a minor (40%) performance loss.
Your choice of an Intel Celeron 400 or PentiumII-400 with a GUARANTEED overclocking speed of 420 MHz using our optional Ultra-Freeze CPU cooler! (requires a 4'x6' utility closet or trailer located near computer)
Dual Processor Support under Win98!! Using our patented RMS (Rodent Multiplexing System), dual processor support is possible under Win98 (a small hamster located in a cage inside the case has been trained to rapidly switch back forth between two CPUs - so fast that the chips never have a chance to lose their electrical charge). PLEASE NOTE: A supply of crack cocaine is necessary to allow the hamster to maintain the necessary physical dexterity for this process. Under U.S. Law we cannot provide you with a source for this crack cocaine, but we instead refer you to our Columbian supplier Hernando who can be reached via his US distributor: email@example.com
Superb hi-quality Chinese knock-off of Creative SBLive! sound card (works just like an SBLive except it doesn't support 3D positional audio).
17" Compaq monitor - the only video monitor that doesn't require a pin-cushion adjustment because the picture tube is already as round as you can possibly make it right from the factory!.
Incredible software package includes: Win98 SE, MSWorks, Deer Hunter, Extreme Paintball, Mega Race 1 & 2, Links Extreme, Leisure Suit Larry 1 & 2, Ultimate 8 Ball, and Beatdown!
Production limited to 200 units. Orders for the first 100 units are being accepted on a cash only basis. Remaining 100 units will be auctioned on Ebay.
For the benefit of the intellectually impaired,
this is a joke.
Thanks to Stryker, EvilHorace and Flavio for the graphics and inspiration! 9/19/99
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